When You've Given Everything

Have you ever felt like you have given your all but it just wasn't enough? Sometimes that's exactly how great parents feel.  Do not despair you will look back on those days and be thankful that you persevered.  I am not impervious to those days and I'm sure you have experienced them too.  Here is what I do: I breathe deeply, run a little faster on the treadmill, and pray a little more.  No matter how stressed and overwhelmed you may feel, just remember the most difficult job parenting, is also the most rewarding.  Keep the faith and find yourself a sister girlfriend, especially a praying one. Lift your children up in prayer daily.  The enemy comes to steal and destroy.  But the God you and I serve will keep our children in perfect peace.

Spend Time Together

I wonder how many parents spend quality time with their children? I know we are all busy.  Trust me there are times when I too feel as though I don’t spend enough time with my children.  I use whatever time I have with them in the car to talk about school and anything else that we can get in during our car ride.  That conversation continues over home work but I feel that there needs to be a special time with them.   So I try to have game night once a week. We cook together all the time.  This is an excellent time to really find out more about what’s happening at school.   And during school vacations, Wednesday is library day.  Believe me they like that. I also try to take them bowling, or to a museum, and sometimes we go out to eat.  There are plenty of things you can do with your children that does not cost a lot.  You can get passes to the museums from the public library. During the summer we go to the beach.  That’s not so expensive if you bring your own lunch. You can take them on a tour of the Freedom trail.  Again, that’s free. Whatever you decided, be creative and just do it together.  Your children will thank you.

That's Crazy

Yes, I am back to talking about parental responsibility again.   So let me get right to the point.  I have had to place many, calls to parents over the years for a variety of reasons: a child not completing homework, poor attendance, inappropriate clothing, disrespecting of teachers and peers, and the one that just blows my mind, the lack of school supplies.  I am so tired of calling parents to inform them that their child is not completing homework and the response is almost always, he said he didn’t have any homework or whenever I ask he tells me that he did it already.  Are you for real? I wouldn’t be calling if the assignments are done and up to date.  Yes, I call when the child is doing well.  I call those phone calls home, “good news” calls.  But, too often, I’ve had to call for lack of homework.  That’s crazy when a parent doesn’t notice their child isn’t completing homework on a regular basis. I can’t tell you how to raise you child but, I can tell you what I do. I ask what the assignment is, I check the agenda book daily, and I sign off on completed assignments. 

How about this one, poor attendance?  I recall some years ago placing a call to a student’s home to find out why he was absent from school (Yes that too is part of our job) and the parent told me that the child should be in school.  Well, no he was absent.  That’s crazy, I thought.  How did she not know the child is absent? That tells me that she didn’t get up, make sure he had a good breakfast, and see to it that he left on time. What is going on? Once, I had to inform a parent about her child’s lack of respect and inappropriate clothing. I was told not to call back, that the child is my responsibility when he’s at school.  That’s too is crazy.  There is only so much a teacher can do.  I can’t take away a favorite game, forbid the child from watching TV or give a time out.  Frequently, I find myself spending way too much time dealing with behaviors and reminding students that they are better than what they are portraying. This takes away from on task time.  Sometimes it would be nice to get the help of a parent.  Yes, there are those who are trying hard. I mean really hard, and I applaud them.  However, too often, we get others that just leave the parenting up to the teachers.  And how about this, a child has been sitting in front of me for weeks and sometimes a month without materials.  When you call home to remind parents that their child does not have the required materials the excuses range from, they’ll have it next week or I give him allowance he can buy it himself. That’s crazy, especially when he or she is wearing the latest and most fashionable clothes, shoes, sneakers, and the hair is all done up, and the nails are perfectly manicure.   By the way, I get so tired of waiting for them to come with their own supplies that I just reach into my “emergency bin” and just give them what they need.  (Sometimes the school provides a few materials too) Where is the parental responsibility?

I’ve said it many times; we are teachers, nurses, social workers, and career counselors. We do it all.  We start on hour to an hour and a half earlier than we should and we don’t’ get into bed until late at night.  I wouldn’t want to do anything else. I don’t even want a thank you. Rather,   parents that are invested in their child’s education. Teachers can’t do it all, we need your help.   Take back control of raising your children.  That’s not so crazy to ask, now is it?   

Take Back Control

Take Back Control

When your child walks in and the first thing that he or she does is to turn on the television, begin to play a video game or start posting on Facebook then you have lost control.  You have given your power away to all sorts of media and technological devices and it is hurting your child or children.  Ask you self this: Does my child spend more time watching television than on homework? If you’ve answered this honestly and the answer is yes, then this is a cause for concern.  I know some have allowed a television in their child’s room and it is on from the time the child gets home from school to the time he or she leaves to school the next day.  Now ask yourself this? Is my child doing well in school? I don’t mean is he or she passing.  Is your child being the absolute best student he or she is capable of being.  I’m telling you this will strike a never with many of you because you have allowed your child to watch way too much television or play that video game.  Your child’s education has taken a back seat to all that other “stuff” that is of little value right now.  You need to set some ground rules.  While I can’t tell you how to raise your children here is what I do: No television before homework is completed period.  My children have a specific place to complete homework assignments.  I check to make sure that it’s done.  With one child, I sign off both on the actual assignment and in the agenda book.   Reading is a must.  They must read for at least ½ hour a day outside of school.  I thank God that both children really enjoy reading.  It helps when you have established a love for reading at an early age.  Watching television is limited to 1 ½ hour a day during the school week and most of what they watch, I watch with them.  That may seem crazy but I control what they are exposed to in my house.  I can’t control what they do when they visit someone else’s house but I pray that they remember what I’ve instilled in them.  Parents take back control.  It is your responsibility to make sure that you child or children is doing his or her very best academically. The long standing saying was true when my parents were children and it is still true today, parents are their children’s first teachers.

So Soon

So Soon...

I was not expecting to address this issue so soon but twice I was watching the new talk show, The Talk and they were addressing parenting and children misbehaving.  There must be an epidemic because I have seen time and time again a parent succumb to the screams and tantrums of an unruly child.  How many of you have seen the child screaming in the supermarket or at the movie theatre, telling a parent that he or she wants this or that and then throwing him or herself on the floor crying? I am so tried of this scene.  When are parents going to act as parents, the adult, the people in charge of setting limits and disciplining their child or children? I dare say that you have given your power away when the only thing you can do to get that child to stop acting a fool is to buy that child what he or she wants. Your child doesn’t need another trinket. His or her room is an absolutely mess with that stuff that more than likely he or she will never play with after day one. Furthermore, you can’t get that child to clean up his or her room.   Enough is enough. Tell him or her no and mean it.  When I was a child no meant no, and you understood that the first time. Another thing that really bothers me is the parent who makes excuses for their child or children.  Are you for real? How do you make the same excuses for a child 7, 8, and 9 (and even older) that you made when they were 4, 5, and 6? STOP!!!  You are doing a disservice to your child or children. Stop saying, “oh he’s tired” or “she’s hungry.”   Children need clear rules and consistency.  Trust me they don’t want wishy-washy parents.   Above all, discipline in love.  It is the key ingredient to raising healthy and happy children in this 21^st century.  Parents, remember we are still the priest, provider, and protector of our children. 

Why Me

Many times I find myself in a unique position.  Let me say, I am not the leading authority on child rearing. Lord knows I’ve made my share of mistakes.  Yet, time and again, a friend or two will ask me for advice as it relates to their child or children.  A few times because of the complexity of the situation I find myself asking why me.  I have come to the realization, why not me.  I’ve said this before, I consider myself to be a really tough mother and if a friend who knows that still believe that I can offer something to them that can help them make a difficult decision then I welcome that.   It took me years to learn this but in order to give sound advice you must first be a good listener.  And listening is what I do best.  So to all of you who have shared with me over the years, thank you for trusting me and I hope through these conversations I am able to do for others what you have allowed me to do for you.

The Hardest Job

It is my opinion  that parenting is the hardest job anyone will ever do.  With that being said, I have been told that I am a tough mother.  Usually, I don't know if I should take it as a compliment or be offended. I consider myself more like my grandmother and my great grandmother they were what I call no nonsense grandmothers.  They were firm, yet loving.   They told it like it is.  They did not make excuses when we misbehaved which was rare. Don't get me wrong this is not a, "they were perfect then, we are not now." I am saying they knew how to discipline in a way that made us think twice before messing up again. They disciplined with love.  As children, we certainly did not see it that way.  As a mother today, I pray that my children see it that way.